this one's for the right to petition

A very long time ago some Americans were held hostage in Iran, and because of the "Tie a Yellow Ribbon" song by Tony Orlando & Dawn, people put ribbons around trees and on their clothes and cars and things as a gesture of solidary and sympathy with the poor bastards being held hostage.

Later on, a horrible horrible disease showed up and started killing people like crazy, but because the people were mostly gay or foreigners, no one cared. As part of an effort to change this, many people began wearing red ribbons. This was especially effective when famous people did it on television, and it helped to make support for AIDS research and treatment more popularly acceptable. There was a need to raise awareness, urgently, and the ribbons helped.

Then at some point everybody with a disease, a political opinion, a social problem, or a general sense of public urgency got a ribbon color. Some people have four or more ribbon stickers on the car and a couple of rubber bracelets going. Or more.

For the confused, the friendly merchants at "CauseKeeper" have provided us with a handy guide and key to the colors. There are some puzzlers and problems here that I'd like to hear solved. Was a brown ribbon a good idea for colon cancer? I understand why black was chosen for mourning and melanoma, but who thought it was appropriate for gang violence? And what the heck are you supposed to do if your ribbon color means something you support and something you despise simultaneously? If you support the end of child abuse and want more awareness of Education, for example, you have to be anti-tobacco. Bone cancer victims are required to oppose abortion. It's a mess.

Barring federal intervention, this will continue until complicated checkerboard patterns are required, making gay bar bandanna codes and hazmat signs look easy.

Can't we all just be aware? What would Tony Orlando do?

PS The original song was about a man waiting to get out of prison and return to his family. We don't let people out of prison now; they just rot there. Sorry, Tony.

I hate the medical-industrial complex SO SO SO MUCH

STRAWBERRY TRIFLE