this one's for the right to petition

The financial news is not usually a source of cheap laughs, but today we have a wonderful beavo-buttheadian news item:

Imperial, Pa. (AP) -- Dick's Sporting Goods Inc. has purchased a privately held California chain with 14 stores.

Dick's, based in the Pittsburgh suburb of Findlay Township, announced Monday that it bought Covina, Calif.-based Chick's Sporting Goods for $71 million in cash and assumed debt.

Yes, yes, it's all true and all in this news story

Insert your own joke here. No really, insert it.

Flaming melons give you so much more. Nice riff on a video standard we all know and love.

This BULLETIN! just in from the AP:

BC-People-Paris Hilton, KILL,0061
BULLETIN KILL
Eds: Moving on general news and entertainment services.
GAUHATI, India — Kill BC-People-Paris Hilton. Lori Berk, a publicist for Hilton, says she never made any comments about helping drunken elephants in India.

The AP
AP-WS-11-13-07 1706EST

In the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month...

SERIOUSLY HARDCORE MUTUAL FUNDS ARE NOW AVAILABLE FROM THRASHER CAPITAL!
G
I am not making this up.

They have youtube videos, a myspace page...

"The GendeX™ Mutual Fund was developed and is managed by young adult investors for young adult investors. A group of more than 60 million Gen X and Y'ers largely untapped by the financial market place...until now.

The GendeX™ Mutual Fund offers this demographic the opportunity to leverage their youth, along with a disciplined investment and savings strategy to help use what they already know to engage the stock market. We provide this Next Generation of investors the opportunity to invest in markets near to them, while providing the structure, fundamentals, and diversity currently available in investment products aimed at older generations."

Okay. I had to get up too early this morning but now I get to decompress. This is your problem now.

Only $152.50 by current bid from this eBay auction. It has some advantages over the real Pete including: less cost, easy storage, your choice of outfit not his, and permanent protection from male pattern baldness!

I enjoy both the limited headgear selection and the tats on the doll myself.

Pirate kittens and music fans everywhere, alert. Saul Williams, Trent Reznor, and Alan Moulder present an awesome downloadable album, The Inevitable Rise and Liberation of Niggy Tardust. Free or $5, your choice. Hard big heavy sound. Highly recommended by Ignatz Industries.